(Photograph by Cindy Barry and "cartoonized" by Suzanne Doukas Niermeyer)
Benefits of the Nice Girls Club
“Its simplicity is the heart and soul of it, which makes it unlike
anything else out there. I have a gigantic pile of 'fix-yourself' books, but
this group has cut through everything and gotten to the heart of what is
important, and done it with one word—'nice.' Nice has a definition even a
five-year-old can understand.” Patty Oat.
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“This club is like no
other. We live in a world of violence and anger, and it's so very NICE to have
a group that strives just for its members to be nice to each other.”~Harriet G
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“It's great to have a fun group for last minute movies or events. We all look forward to our informal Nice Girls potlucks, and if ever we need help, there is a Nice Girl ready and waiting.” – Kate Poole, proud to be a founding Nice Girl!
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GENERAL RULES
STARTING AND MAINTAINING A NICE GIRLS CLUB
by
Lisa Saunders
STARTING AND MAINTAINING A NICE GIRLS CLUB
by
Lisa Saunders
When we meet a woman who
is pleasant, friendly and helpful, we will say, "You seem really nice!
Would you like to come to the next Nice Girls Potluck? We have them
every month." For example, when I was called in for jury duty and couldn't find a seat in the crowded waiting area, only one person moved her belongings off the empty seat beside her. She asked me if I would like to sit down. Once I was comfortable, I asked for her name and said, "That was so nice of you, Suzanne! Since you are nice, would you like to come to our next Mystic Nice Girls potluck?"
Suzanne said yes, and "Jury Duty Suzanne," as I renamed her, have been good friends ever since.
What exactly is the Nice Girls Club?
Suzanne said yes, and "Jury Duty Suzanne," as I renamed her, have been good friends ever since.
What exactly is the Nice Girls Club?
It’s a friendship club
for women who want to get to know others and socialize. We are committed to being nice and agree to never say anything unkind to or about each other. It's that simple!
What is the Nice Girls Club NOT?
We are not a religious,
political or business networking group, although women with similar interests might invite each other to pursue those activities on the side. If you are looking for women who are like-minded, then the Nice Girls Club may not be the right group for you. We do not gather to agree with each each other, change each other's point of view, or accomplish anything. We just gather to get to know each other with the hope a friendship will form.
How do the women stay nice to each other?
Since potlucks are our main activity and a good venue for making each other feel welcome, we refrain from discussing politics or other issues that might divide us. Our goal is to believe the best about each other so friendships can form, deepen, and be maintained--despite our politics or religious faith. We are bound by one thing--the need for positive female companionship and support.
A woman I met recently was interested in knowing more about our Club. When I told her the general guidelines, she was a little taken aback. "Why shouldn't we discuss politics? Can't 'nice' women listen politely to each other?"
I responded that it can be hard enough to stay nice, especially when normal annoyances arise, without the added strain of potential disagreements on a contentious issue. Because we often don't know each other's political views, sometimes people "slip" and blurt out "those idiots" when speaking of people who see a different political way of solving the country's ills. Part of being "nice" is to overlook when people forget they may not be surrounded by nice gals who agree with them. We try to believe the best about each other--that each are trying to find a way to be "nice"--not only to their fellow "nice girls," but to their fellow man.
One Nice Girl, Pam Collins, made me laugh over a sign she posted on her door before a party: "Please check your guns--and politics--at the door." I walked into her home with a smile and a feeling of safety despite entering a room full of strangers. Instead of discussing politics, we joined each other as one and sang "show tunes" around the piano with Nice Girl Connie Howard at the keys. I was happy to get a break from the stress of politics so I could feel refreshed and ready to deal with life's day-to-day problems.
Although we are not a religious group (our club represents several faiths), there is a passage about love in the Bible that is often read at weddings. It conveys my continued hope for Nice Girls. I replaced the word "Love" with "Nice Girls" to come up with the following:
Nice Girls are patient, Nice Girls are kind. They do not envy, they do not boast, they are not proud. They do not dishonor others, they are not self-seeking, they are not easily angered, they keep no record of wrongs...always hopes...(concept based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
What Do Nice Girls Do Together?
How do the women stay nice to each other?
Since potlucks are our main activity and a good venue for making each other feel welcome, we refrain from discussing politics or other issues that might divide us. Our goal is to believe the best about each other so friendships can form, deepen, and be maintained--despite our politics or religious faith. We are bound by one thing--the need for positive female companionship and support.
A woman I met recently was interested in knowing more about our Club. When I told her the general guidelines, she was a little taken aback. "Why shouldn't we discuss politics? Can't 'nice' women listen politely to each other?"
I responded that it can be hard enough to stay nice, especially when normal annoyances arise, without the added strain of potential disagreements on a contentious issue. Because we often don't know each other's political views, sometimes people "slip" and blurt out "those idiots" when speaking of people who see a different political way of solving the country's ills. Part of being "nice" is to overlook when people forget they may not be surrounded by nice gals who agree with them. We try to believe the best about each other--that each are trying to find a way to be "nice"--not only to their fellow "nice girls," but to their fellow man.
One Nice Girl, Pam Collins, made me laugh over a sign she posted on her door before a party: "Please check your guns--and politics--at the door." I walked into her home with a smile and a feeling of safety despite entering a room full of strangers. Instead of discussing politics, we joined each other as one and sang "show tunes" around the piano with Nice Girl Connie Howard at the keys. I was happy to get a break from the stress of politics so I could feel refreshed and ready to deal with life's day-to-day problems.
Although we are not a religious group (our club represents several faiths), there is a passage about love in the Bible that is often read at weddings. It conveys my continued hope for Nice Girls. I replaced the word "Love" with "Nice Girls" to come up with the following:
Nice Girls are patient, Nice Girls are kind. They do not envy, they do not boast, they are not proud. They do not dishonor others, they are not self-seeking, they are not easily angered, they keep no record of wrongs...always hopes...(concept based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
What Do Nice Girls Do Together?
The backbone activity for
the Mystic Nice Girls Club is a monthly potluck. Smaller groups of members join
each other on the side for shared
interests such as kayaking, jigsaw puzzling, walking, making music, attending
movies, Happy Hour, trivia nights, sailing, card playing, etc.
How to invite someone to join
Cindy Modzelewski would
email prospective Nice Girls members something like:
If you are between 20 and 100, you are welcome to
join us as your schedule/interests dictate. The Nice Girls are:
- Neighborly (the good kind)
- Creative, Cooking (or know how to fake it)
- Entertaining (to friends and new friends)
- No house is too small. We can always meet at a beach, park, or
restaurant.
How would you describe the typical member of the
Nice Girls Club?
Our particular group, the Mystic Nice Girls Club, includes women ages 30s-80s. For the most part, we are not raising
children, which is why our activities revolve around potlucks, happy hours,
movies, kayaking, etc.
What is the typical month like for a member of the
Nice Girls Club?
Members usually get at
least one or two Nice Girl group emails in their email inbox a day. It might
say, “Does anyone want to me meet me at the Mystic Drawbridge in 15 minutes for
a walk?”; “Anyone want to see the movie, “[title],” with me Friday night?”;
or, “Anyone want to meet me for Happy Hour?” The following email gets
sent once a month: “This is just a reminder that the potluck is
at my house on [date], 6-8pm. I can’t wait to see you all!”
How does a woman join the Nice Girls Club?
Come to two events to
make sure you find kindred spirits among us and have time to invest in
friendships. Please don’t join if your only goal is to sell us something. We
are not a business networking group (however, as sincere friendships grow, many
of us do business with each other or recommend each other).
How Many Members Belong to the Nice Girls Club?
In our Mystic Nice Girls
Club, we only allow 50 because that is how many can be on the listserve we
joined without us having to pay for the service. If a member moves out of the
area or rarely attends or responds to emails, they are removed from the
listserve to make room for new members. This problem of having to limit size
would be solved by communicating by other means. If we had to do it over again,
I think just doing old fashioned group emails would be the easiest. Certainly a Facebook group would work, but not all our members want to do that.
Where Can I Find a Club Near Me to Join?
As of this writing, as
far as I know, the only Nice Girls Club that exists is based out of Mystic,
Connecticut. If you start one in your area, I can add it our Nice Girls blog
and Facebook page.
How Can I start my own Nice Girls Club?
Find at least one nice gal
who lives locally to you. Then ask her if she wants to start a Nice Girls Club
and begin inviting others who seem nice and live nearby (people don’t seem to
make events if they have to drive more than 15 minutes).
Strategies For Maintaining Group:
Potlucks:
As more women feel
comfortable opening their homes to the group, there are more homes to rotate
for the monthly potluck suppers. If no one volunteers to host for a particular
month, one woman organizes a potluck picnic or suggests a restaurant where everyone
can order and pay for their own food/drink. Some women are on a tight budget so
it’s best if they can meet somewhere where they are not required to order
anything. We try to have the potluck suppers the third Wednesday or Thursday of
the month (the weeknight gets rotated so those with commitments one particular
weeknight may be able to attend another night).
Name Tags:
Name tags help spare
women embarrassment when they can’t remember each other’s name. We chose
nicknames for many of the women in the group to help us remember something
about the person.
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